SOCIALISM:
You have two cows, you give
one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM:
You have two cows, the
government take both and give you the milk
FASCISM:
You have two cows, the
government take both and shoot you.
CAPITALISM:
You have two cows, you sell
one and buy a bull.
TRADE UNIONISM:
You have two cows, they
take both from you, shoot one, milk the other and throw away the milk.
FEUDALISM:
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM:
You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all
share the milk.
APPLIED COMMUNISM:
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes
all the milk.
Mexican DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots you and sends the
cows to Zurich.
MILITARISM:
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you into the army.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an
apartment.
PURE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. All your neighbours decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone who will tell you who gets
the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY:
The government promises to give you two cows, if you vote for it. After
the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures.
The press dubs the affair "Cowgate", but supports the president. The cow
sues you for breach of contract. Your legal bills exceed your annual
income. You settle out of court and declare bankruptcy.
BRITISH DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows.
You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do
anything.
EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed
them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After
that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down
the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the
missing cows.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company,
using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get
all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk
rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a
Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who
sells the right to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The
annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one
more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because of bad "feng shui".
TOTALITARIANISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed.
Milk is banned.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:
You are associated with (the concept of 'ownership' is a symbol of the
phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past two differently aged (but no
less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender. You are torn by
feelings of guilt, your psychotherapist recommends a treatment centre. You
spend six weeks there, paid for by the community health plan, and graduate
into Guilty Anonymous.
COUNTERCULTURE:
Wow, dude, there's like...these two cows, man. Uh, so, like, you have
really got to do some of this milk, like, fer shur, it's awesome, man.
SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
Moral; Don’t have anything to do with
cows they only bring you trouble and drive you mad.
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